Picture this: It’s a Monday morning and you just arrived at work. You are already exhausted because you’ve been fighting for your marriage for 2 months now, trying to get your husband to end an emotional affair with a coworker, working full time, taking care of your 5 month old son full time because previously mentioned husband declared he was going to live with a friend in Lawrence part time to “decide if he wants to try in the marriage or not”, and you are just hoping the week will go by peacefully and quickly. You decide that since its only 8am, you’re the second one into the office, and you aren’t awake enough to dive headfirst into your work, you decide to check your personal email and ease your way into the workday. But you go to pull up yahoo, and it’s not your account that pops up, its your husbands. Because on yahoo, if you’ve logged into multiple accounts at once you can just toggle back and forth between the two. And when you’ve been married for 3.5 years and together for 10, its pretty safe to assume that you’ve been on your spouses email account at least once in that time frame.
So you are about to toggle back to your email account but yet, you see something that catches your attention. “Twitter, you have a new message from @___________.” Over and over and over again. You know who that twitter is, you know that up until this point your husband has never used twitter, you know that you just met that person at Starbucks yesterday morning and she promised that she was going to stop talking to your husband, and you notice the time stamp on these emails were after you met that person at Starbucks, so you open a random message up. That is when your world implodes.
Nothing like seeing explicit messages sent between your husband and the girl you’ve been begging to leave your family alone on Twitter. If you were wondering, I now know the sexual positions she prefers and that my husband thoroughly enjoyed being licked and that he never even considered a divorce before she told him how she felt. Along with a menagerie of other messages that at the time were burned into my soul, but have thankfully been fading as time presents me grace to accept that my life is better off without him and the acceptance that the screenshots needed to be deleted off my phone as I didn’t need the weight and toxicity of that day dragging me down.
I don’t even really remember what happened following that moment. I know I frantically took pictures of the entire conversation with a shaky hand. I remember sitting at my desk praying no one would walk by and see me in the frazzled state that I was in. And then it got even better. The messages starting coming through in real time.
“I’m kind of wondering if she knows you came over yesterday” 3 minutes later… “Yup. She does…”
“Yea she’s texting me saying she’s going to ruin my life and called me a whore…”
*Insert screenshot where I texted her saying I’m going to ruin her life and called her a whore, with some colorful language added in there to really drive my point home.
I will admit in my moment of weakness that I texted her in utter shock, disappointment, betrayal, saying that I was going to ruin her life. And then I RAN out of work. Like, I think my coworker honestly thought someone died or I had seen a ghost of something. And she just looks at me and asks if I’ll be back later and in between my sobs I said no and I literally ran to my car. I remember calling Jason and screaming at him. Screaming to the point where I don’t even know if sound was coming out. He had the nerve to play dumb like he didn’t have the slightest clue why I would be upset. I said I was going to drive to Lawrence, that I was going to come and meet him, and that I wanted him to face me. I remember calling my sister in law and telling her about the messages. I remember calling my mom and using the most foul language that I have probably ever used around her. Some how I got from my work to my house in one piece. I don’t remember driving home. But I got home and I threw every article of clothing he owned into the shower, and then they immediately went off the back deck. I was tempted to shove them all in trash bags and leave them close enough to the curb since it was trash day after all, but in my moms worrisome phone conversation, she just kept begging me not to do anything stupid. So off the back deck they went.
And then he text me saying he was calm, and that I could come talk to him in Lawrence. So after I was done rearranging my suddenly massive closet, I got in my car, and I drove to Lawrence. Just a week prior, I had used the “find my iPhone” and traced Jason to an apartment complex when he was supposed to be at work. Another terrible day that led me sitting in my little storage closet at work that I used since I was still pumping bawling my eyes out, but that is a different story that I don’t think I’m ready to tell yet, but soon enough the entire truth will come out. He didn’t respond to where he was, so I drove around the apartment complex, knowing that it was her complex but not knowing what apartment was hers, seeing if his car was there. When it wasn’t I drove to KU, confronted Jason, and we went off campus and sat in his car and talked, screamed, sobbed, for hours.
Soon enough, I came back to reality and realized that I needed to pick my son up from daycare, and had to drive back to home. I really don’t even remember the rest of that night.
So fast forward through the rest of the week: Wednesday, which just so happened to be Valentine’s day, I went to my neighbors house with Bodhi and we ate Chinese takeout because that was mine and Jason’s valentines day tradition and I didn’t want to risk ruining the tradition if things were magically better next year. He came while I was out and collected his clothes and then he was gone. Friday evening I’m sitting on my couch, getting used to the absolute loneliness that was starting to sink in with his stuff gone, on the phone with my sister in law, Bodhi was already in bed, and my doorbell rings. So I look out the window and gave my sister in law and immediate “Imma have to call you back”. There, standing at my door at 8pm on a Friday night was a sherif. I fight my way through my dogs to the front door and step out onto the porch and was handed a piece of paper.
I just got served papers for Protection of Stalking from none other then the homewrecker herself. I gave a slight chuckle and the officer kind of looked at me. I did a quick “yea I caught her having an affair with my husband” speech and he told me that it probably wouldn’t hold up in court. So not only did I catch my husband cheating on me, the girl he cheated on me with just put a restraining order out against me. Not really how I wanted to end the week by any means. There was a court date on there and of course I didn’t tell my parents about it because the only warning they gave me was “don’t do anything stupid to get yourself in trouble”, and while I was confused about why I was getting served this paper on a friday night, it would appear that it was causing me to be in trouble. To make it even better, one of the reasons that she gave as to why she needed the restraining order was because I, and I quote-
“Disrupted her emotional capabilities to perform work and school duties”
She had an affair with my husband, got caught, and then told me that it was MY fault that she wasn’t emotionally stable enough to essentially live her life because I was rightfully mad that she decided to sneak around with a married man. Because that makes so much sense.
So I go to the court date thinking I just have to tell my side of the story and then a decision will be made and that would be that. But I go to court and that was just the beginning. All that court date involved was me deciding to say either:
- I agree with the restraining order, and I accept it.
- I disagree with the restraining order, but I will accept it.
- I disagree with the restraining order, and I’m going to fight it in court.
So of course I say this is absurd, I’m not accepting this, lets fight it. So now we are going to court and in my mind, I wasn’t going to hire a lawyer because all of this was so silly. And literally 3 days before the trial, her soon to be step father enters in to the court as her lawyer. So I panic. I call him since I don’t have a lawyer to represent me and ask if I could just accept the restraining order because it was worded in the papers that I would have to pay court fees if I lost and as a recently single mom I was worried that I couldn’t afford it. So future step dad lawyer says he will strike a deal with me. That if I just conceded and accepted the restraining order, he wouldn’t make me pay for the $500 that he had to pay to hire a local lawyer (he was out of state), and that I wouldn’t owe anyone any money. I was hesitant because on principle, I didn’t deserve to have this against me, but then he really put the icing on the cake. He told me that if I lost, and that I most certainly would lose, that he was fully prepared to present the court with his $8,000 lawyer fee for me to pay. I don’t even have that much money to my name, I couldn’t gamble paying that, so I seemingly had no choice but to just accept it. So I tell my parents not to worry about going to court with me, that I was literally just going to sign this paper, but my in laws still insisted on going so they did and I am so thankful that was the case. I talked to her local lawyer when I got to the courthouse and she was verifying with me that I was accepting of the protection of stalking and I was just going to sign the papers. It was brought up that I really didn’t “accept” the terms, but I felt like my hand was forced into it because I couldn’t risk having to pay lawyer fees if I lost. And when it was my turn to face the judge, her local lawyer told the judge that she was initially just there to have me sign the papers, but that she didn’t feel comfortable having me do that because she did not feel it was voluntary. So the judge asked the same question and I once again explained the situation. He wouldn’t let me sign the papers. He said it had to be voluntary and he could tell that I was upset and emotional and that it was an involuntary decision.
So I hired a lawyer and we went to trial. It took 2 days worth of trial, probably about 5ish hours total, and it was honestly brutal. My family and in my in in laws attended court with me. Twitter messages were read aloud, texts were read out loud. All of the horrible, terrible memories of that day were relived. At the end of the trial, the judge said that the lawyers had 30 days to prepare a findings proposal and then the judge would have another 30 days from that date to make a ruling. So here we are, looking at getting an answer mid July. This nonsense has been going on since February and I went all summer just wishing it would end. Sure enough, July 20th rolled around, no answer. I get my bill from my lawyer, almost $7,000. I feel like the universe just can’t be on my side and that the reason why I didn’t want to fight the stupid thing in the first place was because I couldn’t afford it, yet here is my lawyer with this hefty bill and I still don’t even know if I won or not. More time goes by and I hear nothing. Then I finally get a response. The decision will be posted on September 7th. I only had 1 week left to wait. I refreshed my email so many times on September 7th, and finally at 5pm, my lawyer calls me. We won the trial. The temporary restraining order has been lifted, and the permanent order was denied. What an absolute sweet victory.
It just gets better from there. If there is anything like poetic justice, it is lined out beautifully in the decision sent from the judge. I still don’t know if she will have to pay any portion of my lawyer fees yet, but until then if anyone wants to donate any money to the “This single mom is broke, has been through the absolute ringer when it comes to (ex) husbands and home wreckers, and has no clue how she is going to pay her lawyer fees” just let me know 😉
Since you all stuck it out and read my terribly long story here till the very end, feel free to enjoy my 2 most absolute favorite parts from the judge’s write up (I apologize if you are sensitive to colorful language). Yes. That’s right. The JUDGE wrote it. Thank goodness for public court records. Karma at its finest. But in all seriousness, through all the shit that has been thrown my way the past 10 months, I feel very blessed to be where I am at. I am happy, healthy, I have wonderful people in my life, and the light is finally coming through the very dark tunnel I have been traveling.
A very dear person gave me the best advice though. Ladies and gentlemen, you just can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.
Oh and Jaycee Mayfield, thank you for having an affair with my husband and opening my eyes to the piece of trash he is. But as long as you want to be with him, you will have to deal with me. And mama bear is not one to be messed with.
Also, because I like to include a song in my blog posts- I will use this one for my victory.
Now payback is a bad bitch
And baby, I’m the baddest
You fuckin’ with a savage
Can’t have this, can’t have this (ah)
And it’d be nice of me to take it easy on ya, but nahBaby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Being so bad got me feelin’ so good
Showing you up like I knew that I would
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Baby, I’m sorry (I’m not sorry)
Feeling inspired ’cause the tables have turned
Yeah, I’m on fire and I know that it burnsBaby, fineness is the way to kill
Tell me how it feel, bet it’s such a bitter pill
And yeah, I know you thought you had bigger, better things
Bet right now this stings (wait a minute)
‘Cause the grass is greener under me
Bright as technicolor, I can tell that you can see
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
But it gets worse (wait a minute)